I wish

I sit here and write this while I wish I wasn't. I wish I could be in your embrace. I wish many things. fist I wish I was where you are. I can feel my heart pulling me there while I force my body to stay where it is. I wish I believed everything you've said to me. I know you mean what you say, but I"m scared. I'm scared to grow too close. I'm scared of being hurt. I don't want to spend any more time in pain because my heart has been taken for granted. I'm scared you don't believe me when I tell you how I feel. I'm scared I won't live up to your expectations for me. But mostly, I'm scared of being hurt. I've cried enough. I'm sick of stupid jokes and blonde moments that exist to make me feel have something to offer. I wish I were a smarter person. I know I excel at shool- that's not what I mean. I wish I knew myself. I wish I knew you. That's what I truly wish. I wish to be yours. I wish you were mine. If I knew I had your hand to hold and your heart to keep. I wish. But for now, I sit here writing this while I wish I wasn't.