College

Well, college has officially started. My room has been filled with trinkets and papers and clean underwear. I know what classes I'm taking, I've met people I get along with and I've met my roommate. Wait- scratch that last thing. I haven't met my roommate. Truth be told, I don't have a roommate. Don't get me wrong- I expected to open my dorm room on the first day and see piles of clothes and books from another person sitting around me empty spaces. Things didn't turn out exactly as planned, though, and so here I sit alone (but still in high spirits.) I don't know much about why my would-be roommate decided to stay in Arizona, so I can't share that, but I figured I'd tell Steph and Lisa about my news:) Good luck at Drake Steph! And Lisa- we totally have to go to another park with handicapped spaces and orange cones!!!!

Pissed Off

I am angry. Hurt. Frustrated. Disappointed. Confused. Mainly, though, I'm angry.

I'll start this story like a fairy tale... Once upon a time, there was a high school senior named Ashley. She had a friend, Jon, who had a friend, Mark. Through a series of events, Ashley and Mark began to like eachother and started to date. Three months went by like a blur- prom, trips to the mall, graduation, movies, dinners. Everything went fine in the beginning but after a while it became clear the words "breaking up" were looming over the horizon. So one night, after seeing a movie with their friend Jon, Ashley dropped the boy of this story- Mark, off at his house. They sat at the curb for a while and decided to part ways. There was a good-bye hug, a few tears shed, but all-in-all it was a good thing to have happen.

A week or so after the break-up, Ashley goes on a date with their mutual friend, Nelson. Everything was innocent- simply a goodnight hug (without a kiss) ended the date. A few days later, Ashley checks her e-mail and there is a message from Mark waiting for her to read. Wondering why he e-mailed her, Ashley opens the message. What was waiting for her was a message telling her Mark was disappointed and hurt by her going on a date so soon after they were finished. She calls Mark in an attempt to work things out, and the phone conversation led to him basically calling her a whore- in those words.

Fast forward two months. Mark and Ashley have made up and are still friends. She's filled him in that nothing happened with Nelson besides the hug, and yet Mark still calls Ashley a whore. Ashley lets those comments roll off her back because it's not worth it to her to press the issue any more. Nelson and Ashley also remain friends, and make a point to not go on any more dates because of the drama that ensues because of it. Jon, the friend who originally introduced Ashley and Mark, has been dating a girl, named Joleane. They date for around a month and then also decide to end their relationship.

One sunny day Ashley goes on-line and types in www.xanga.com. This is a site much like blogger- people sign up and keep on-line journals for their friends to read. Ashley only reads the journals of Mark, Jon and Joleane, because these are the only people she actually knows on the site. The journals of Mark and Jon have not been updated, so she continues on to Joleane's journal. The entry starts talking about Joleane sleeping over at her friends house, then continues on about Joleane driving to see Mark at work. After work, Joleane and Mark go with their friends to the mall.

Once out of the mall, Joleane and Mark end up in the cab of Mark's friend Matt's truck. They are not only listening to music, however- they are making out. Interesting. Mark was upset when his ex-girlfriend went on a date with their friend, but he obviously has no problem making out with his friends ex-girlfriend. Hmmmm... seems like kind of an assholish thing to do.

Well, the moral of this story is yet to be decided. All Ashley knows is that it's obvious her fairy tale is still to be written. Prince Charming is elusive to her still, so for now she'll stand waiting, with a pen in her hand, for the day when the story of her fairy tale begins. . .

A long survey

Time started? 1:50
> >Full name? Umm... Ashley and then two more
> >Nickname(s)? Hal, baby doll, blossoming whore, and more. (I don't like the last one)
> >Birthday? August 10 1987
> >Where were you born? Fridley
> >Zodiac sign? Leo
> >Height? 5' 8''
> >Weight? Way too much
> >Hair color? Blonde/dirty blonde
> >Eye color? Blue or green depending on my clothes
> >Shoe size? 9 1/2
> >Ring size? I have no idea
> >Skin type? normal skin i guess
> >Blood type? A+
> >Grade? Freshman in college
> >GPA? 0 i don't have a gpa yet
> >Siblings?1 sister 1 bro
> >Tattoos? Nope
> >Piercing? Nope
> >Hobbies? Reading, music, hanging out,
> >Color? Orange
> >Food? Mashed Potatoes
> >Candy? Twix
> >Type of cheese? String
> >Pizza topping? Sausage
> >Salad dressing? Ceasar
> >Sandwich? Peanut butter
> >Cereal? Chex (rice or corn)
> >Fruit? Green grapes
> >Vegetable? Cooked Carrots
> >Berry? Strawberry
> >Cake? Marble- My Hilary Duff cake from my 17th birthday!
> >Book? Rain of Gold
> >Movie? Rebel Without a Cause
> >Magazine? Soap Opera Digest
> >Newspaper? Umm the star tribune? thats all i get
> >TV show? Days of Our Lives and The OC
> >Website? www.blogger.com
> >Radio station? KQ92 and KDWB
> >Font? The really fancy cursive ones
> >Cartoon character? lizzie
> >Artist (painter) The guy who painted "Dance Me to the End of Love"
> >Actor? James Dean!
> >Actress? Hilary Duff and Drew Barrymore
> >CD? Twice the Speed of Life and Lie to Me
> >Song? American Pie
> >Music group? Rooney
> >Music type? Any and everything
> >Day of the week? Saturday
> >Month? June
> >Season? Spring
> >Holiday? 4th of July
> >Shampoo? Aussi
> >Conditioner? Aussi
> >Number? 7
> >Phrase? That's hot
> >Store? Target
> >Weather? nice and sunny with slight wind around 70-80 degrees
> >Restaurant? Wendy's
> >Channel? MTV
> >Teacher? Browne and Mork
> >Weekend activity? whatever I'm doing
> >Hangout? Wendy's parking lot
> >House color? blue
> >Sport to watch? Football
> >Sport to play? softball
> >Animal? Armadillo
> >Flower? roses (yellow)
> >Guy's names? Braeden
> >Girl's name? Chloe
> >Board game? Cranium
> >Story from childhood? My Goodnight Book
>Favorite body part? Triceps
> >HAVE YOU EVER
> >
> >Been on a train? yes
> >Been on a plane? yes
> >Been in a car accident? yeah
> >Caused a car accident? Nope
> >Run into a wall? Yeah- I think everyone has
> >Burned a potato chip? No
> >Almost burned the house down? no
>Smoked? Cigarettes, no
> >Been drunk? yes
> >Been high? no
> >Broken the law? yes
> >Burned a CD (if yes, the one above is yes)? yes
> >Kissed someone of the opposite sex (not a relative, on the lips)?
Yes
> >Kissed someone of the same sex (not a relative, on the lips)?
Yes
> >Frenched an animal? Do humans count as animals???
> >Gotten engaged? no
> >Had an online relationship? no
> >Been rejected by a crush? no! i've never asked out my crush!
> >Loved someone? Of course
> >Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? Yeah
> >Cried in public? yeah
> >Cried over a movie? Like everytime I see a movie
> >Fallen asleep in a movie theater? yes
> >Given someone a bath? When I've been babysitting I have
> >Been to a boarding school? nope
> >Been home-schooled? nope
> >Lost a valuable item? yeah
> >Bungee jumped? no way!
> >Skied? No, I've only snowboarded
> >Met the president? No
> >Met a celebrity? Yeah- Rooney!
> >Gotten a cavity? Yea
> >Shopped at Abercrombie & Fitch? yes
> >Made a prank call? Yea many
> >Skipped school? Yes
> >Faked sick to get out of school? Yes
> >Purchased something that you knew didn't fit? no
> >Climbed a tree? Not actually gotten up one
> >Fallen from a tree? no
> >Broken a bone? no
> >Sprained anything?no
> >Passed out? Yeah when I ran into the sliding-glass door in my basement
> >Made yourself pass out? no
> >Been to Disney world? Yea
> >Been to a theme park (not Disney)? Yea
> >Said I love you and meant it (not to a relative)? yeah
> >Made a model volcano (working model)? no
> >Made a clover leaf with your tongue? no
> >PAST
> >
> >What did you do yesterday? babysat, saw "Movin' Out" with my sister, hung out with James Zach and Kara at my house.
> >Memory you miss the most? How can u miss a memory, if its a memory isnt it there, and then u wouldnt miss it would you?
> >Memory you want to forget? The stupid things I've done and said to my friends
> >Something you regretted after it was done? Whenever I hurt people I regret it
> >THE LAST
> > i
> >Song you heard? Someone Else's Star
> >CD you bought? Twice the Speed of Life

> >Thing you said? Probably some stupid thing I said to myself... can't remember
> >Time you cried? Last night at the end of the first act of "Movin' Out"
> >Movie seen in a theater? Charlie and Chocolate factory
> >Thing you ate? Macaroni and Cheese
> >Person who called? Jon
> >Nail polish shade worn? brown/gold stuff
> >Time you showered? This morning
> >Person who complimented you? Probably Kara James or Zach last night sometime
> >AT THIS MOMENT
> >
> >What are you listening to? I'm Your Angel
> >What are you wearing? My Rooney shirt with red drawstring pants
> >What are you thinking? This is the longest survey ever.... but it's taking up time
> >What are you scared of most? losing my friends
> >How many people are on your buddy list? 76
> >FUTURE
> >
> >Occupation? Something where I can travel
> >Marriage site? Hawaii
> >Honeymoon? Italy
> >Place to live? Minnesota
> >Kids? ?
> >Car? Not a mustang anymore since Zach and James ruined it
> >What are you doing tomorrow? Baby-sitting and then hanging out
> >Will there be a wwIII? With the way the world is going, who knows...
> >Will politics ever be truthful? no
> >Will humanity snuff itself out? yeah probably
> >Can the gov. be changed? Yea if enough people want it
> >FRIENDS
> >
> >Best friend? Kara and James
> >Funniest? Grant
> >Silliest? Anna
> >Loudest? Eric
> >Quietest? Stephanie
> >Craziest? Judas
> >Calmest? Zach
> >Skinniest? Cassie
> >Best secret keeper? Kara
> >Worst secret keeper? James
> >The one you have but don't want? I heart all my friends!
> >Smartest? Matt
> >Preppiest? Stephanie
> >Peppiest? peppiest? Stephanie
> >Most hyper? Judas
> >Weirdest? Anung
> >Biggest pervert? Mark
> >Most religious? Jim

> >DO YOU BELIEVE IN
> >
> >Heaven? yes
> >Hell? yes
> >Angels? yeah
> >Devil? yes
> >God? yes
> >Buddha? Well, he may be another face of God
> >Aliens? I think we would have to be really really self centered to think we are the only creatures in the entire universe
> >Ghosts? kinda
> >Spirit (soul)? yes
> >Soulmates? yeah
> >Reincarnation? no
> >Love at first sight? no
> >Karma?yeah
> >Love in general? Yes
> >Luck? no
> >Yourself? sometimes
>
>CRUSH
> >
> >Who and when was your first crush? in like the 3rd grade- Bryce Fisher
> >Any now? I always like boys
> >A celebrity crush? Josh Hartnett
> >Who do you want to be with right now? No one- I'll be gone in less than 2 weeks!
> >Whose number do you want? Josh Hartnett's
> >Who do you want to kiss? hmmm...
> >What is something you don't understand about the opposite sex?
Why they can never ever be serious
> >If you could go on a date with anybody, who would it be? Myself, to see what I'm like through another person's eyes
> >On scale of one to ten, how romantic are you? 6 or 7
> >First thing noticed about the opposite sex? over all look
> >What do you look for personality-wise? Funny, Confident, and caring and a little bit daring
> >The most romantic thing you want to happen to you? Someone waiting at my door when I get home with roses
> >The most romantic thing that has happened to you? I don't know if anything romantic has happened
> >What do you wear on a coffee date? Whatever I'm wearing when I'm asked
> >Is it right to flirt if you're taken? well depends on wat flirting is concidered. jokign is alright in my books> >
> >Is cyber cheating? It's kinda nasty, and yes it's cheating
> >Are eyes the passageway to the soul? Its one way there> >
> >Who would you like to take to the prom? I liked going with Mark and Jake:)
> >Do you want to hug somebody right now? I'll always hug people!

> >DESCRIBE
> >
> >Mellow? 4 am
> >Melancholy? sadness
> >The perfect date? hanging out having fun
> >The perfect mate? Whoever I fall in love with
> >How m&m's are made? With heated chocolate and a metal machine
> >
> >ONE OR THE OTHER
> >
> >Coke/Pepsi? Cole
> >Sprite/7-up? 7-up
> >Boxers/briefs? boxers
> >Gold/silver? silver
> >Vanilla/chocolate?Chocolate ice cream, vanilla cake
> >Flowers/candy? Flowers
> >Book/magazine? book
> >TV/radio? radio
> >Glass half empty/half full? full- I'll drink it down and then fill it up again
> >Democrat/republican? who cares
> >Colored pencils/markers? Markers
> >Coffee/tea? neither
> >Sun/moon? Moon
> >Day/night? Night
> >Hot/cold? Cold
> >Dog/cat? little dog
> >Button/zipper? A little bit of both
> >Cotton/feather pillow? cotton
> >Blue/purple? purple
> >Plumber/trash man? Plumber
> >Jeans/shorts? jeans
> >Long distance relationship/none? none
> >Mechanical/regular pencil? mechanical
> >That 70's show/Simpsons? 70's
> >Kelso/eric? Kelso
> >Donna/Jackie? Jackie
> >Bart/lisa?lisa
> >Romeo/Juliet? They were both a little whacked out
> >Romantic comedy/thriller? depends on who I'm seeing it with.
> >Nsync/bsb? both
> >Peanut butter/jelly? Peanut Butter
> >Waffles/pancakes? waffles
> >Letter/email? email
> >Florida/California? California
> >Pizza/burgers? Burgers
> >Hat/visor? neither
> >Football/rugby? Football
> >Iceskating/blading? Iceskating
> >Movie at home/in theater? depends
> >FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR
> >
> >Yellow? Roses
> >Red lipstick? Drag Queen
> >Socks? Funky designs
> >Cow tipping? Tomorrow night
> >Moulin rouge? La francais
> >Greenland? Ice
> >Iceland? Grass
> >Harry potter? I'm so mad... and Eric destroyed the cover of my book
> >Red? Red Red Wine
> >Blackberry? I should try this...
> >Rose? Yellow!
> >Rooster? cockadoodledoo
> >Taxes? Money
>Bill Clinton? Monica
> >Whipped cream? Yummy!
> >the president? Bush
> >Lollipops? That old song about lollipops
> >Dreams? nighttime
> >Love? happy
> >Guys? my friends
> >South park? the song ryan played on my radio the night my car broke down
> >Boy bands? I Want it That Way
> >Penguins? Prom
> >Girls? annoying
> >Death? inevitable
> >Spoons? Purple spoons!
> >Junk mail? More annoying in the inbox than the mailbox
> >Dairy? Moooo
> >Your father? Daddy!
> >Pizza? Greasy
> >Britney spears? Snake
> >Vitamin? Vitamin C
> >ARE YOU
> >
> >Happy? yes
> >Sad? no
> >Religious? getting there
> >Crazy? yeah
> >Messy? oh yeah
> >Mad? not at the moment
> >Slacker? I like to think I am, but I'm really not
> >Nerd? Yes and I'm proud of it
> >Bokkworm? I like to read
> >Jock? no
> >Preppy? not really
> >Selfish? Probably less than I should be
> >Giving? yeah
> >Obsessive? Not really
> >Violent? no
> >Calm? at times- and it freaks my friends out!
> >Peaceful? at times
> >Mellow? at times
> >Eccentric? not really
> >Caring? I hope people think I am!
> >Untrustworthy? no
> >Loyal? yes
> >Patriotic? Yes
> >Perverted? At times
> >Colorful? After I've finger-painted
> >Artistic? not really
> >MISCELLANEOUS
> >
> >What color is your jacket? Red
> >Do you shave? Yes
> >Where? Legs and underarms
> >What color is your razor? pink
> >What size is your bed? Twin
> >What color crayon would you be? Burnt Sienna
> >What are the last four digits of your phone number? 1383
> >Feelings on abortion? Don't get me started
> >How long does it take you to shower? 10 minutes
> >What does your screen name mean? My last name, and the mistaken year of my birth
> >Thoughts on blonde pop stars in general? Why do we only pick on the blonde ones?
> >Who do you trust the most? My mommy
> >Is cussing a necessity in life? It's gotten to be so
> >How about coffee? Ick no
> >Is the world screwed? No
> >What something you can't live without? Myself
> >What time did you fall asleep last night? like 1230
> >Can you live without a microwave? Yeah
> >What do think about death? This was already asked
> >Where and when do you want to be married? Wherever I decide, with whomever I'm in love with
\> >Do you want to drop out of school? No
> >Why is the sky blue? Because the water is blue and yada yada yada
>What is a good trait about yourself? People say I'm nice
>What do you always think about? College and losing my friends
> >What is wrong with your school? It's 10 hours away
> >What is right with your school? I'll be there! (Haha- I sound totally conceited)
> >How do you react to change? pretty well
> >Do you talk to yourself? yes
> >What is your opinion on love? It's lovely
> >Can you afford to lose weight? yeah!
> >what color would you dye your hair? Blonde
> >Best thing anyone's told you? I love you
> >What is your reaction to someone telling you you're hot? I start looking up psychologist offices I can send them to
> >Does being psycho appeal to you? not really
> >If you wrote a book, what would it be about? It would be a list of all my stupidest jokes
> >What would you change your name to? Twice
> >Longest crush lasted how long? like a full school year
> >Time finished? 2:35

A Friend

I've found me a friend
Who's better than the rest
I've found me a friend
Who'll put me to the test

I'll struggle and I'll bleed,
I'll suffer and I'll die,
But my friend will
Always stand by.

He'll be there to be
My crutch when
I fall, and will become
My prayer when I cry

The future is bright
With Him in it-
for it would be bleak
without Him.

I've found me a friend
Who's better than the rest
I've found me a friend
Who'll put me to the test.

Fame

The worth of being famous
Is the cost of being lost
the crowds thin out
the storms move in
The earth spins one more time

When the day comes
To face temptation
The tempt is too much for you
The earth moves once again

The point of being gone
Is to find yourself again
My self is here but I am gone-
Where do I begin?

Thank You

This may not be proper
This may not be right
It's probably not what you
wanted to hear tonight

This thing is over,
It's pretty ease to see
But that you for the
things you've given to me

Thank you for ignoring me
It makes my hurt much worse.
Thank you for hurting me,
It makes my tears come near.
That you for the tears I've shed
They make it easier to see.

The life that's been here with me
All those times you wouldn't be
Gave me the strength that's in me,
and now I have no fear of the fall.

Thank you so very much,
for the things you've given to me.

Thank you for ignoring me
It makes my hurt much worse.
Thank you for hurting me,
It makes my tears come near.
That you for the tears I've shed
They make it easier to see.

Resignation

Okay, I will now officially resign myself to accepting that no one reads my blog and I won't get comments on anything I write. I'm going to continue to write in here, however. I think it's good to have something you can write in have the opportunity of being read by others. Yes, I have a Xanga site- but that's not actual writing- just telling people what's up with my life lately. So from here on out, I'll try (keyword: try) to update this much more often with actual content, not just fluff. I'll wish myself luck since I know no one else will! hehe....

August

The month we've all been waiting for is here. In less than thirty days, I'll be opening to the first page of a new chapter in my life and high school will officially be finished. The ink has barely dried on the final transcripts from Champlin Park, and I already will be tackling assignments for Aquinas College.
Though excitment pulses through my body, it shares the confines with anxiety. At no other time in life will I have this same feeling, yet I want to simply get it over with. College is knocking at the door, and I'm finding it hard to pull myself from the friends I have now to answer it. August 16th will be a weird day- mascara will be running as I hug Kara and Mark good-bye. Both will be staying at home while I leave them for Michigan. I want to be assured right now that I'll always need them like I do at this moment, but I know it's not true. That is what scares me the most. I want to believe that every break I will come home and pick up my relationships exactly where I left them. This, however, is a dream that is doomed to fall. I'll change and grow, as will everyone else I now know. There will come a day on one of the up-coming breaks that I'll realize we're different than we are now.
Hopefully, we'll be able to stay friends through these changes- if we try we'll be able to do so:) I just hope I don't forget about them and vice-versa...